Remember when Brian Griffin wrote an advice book? Wish it. Want it. Do it. The last 200 pages were blank, for your own notes. Dogs might not be able to write life advice books, but I reckon that everyone could learn something from how my Labrador Max approaches life.
Max is 5 and was born in Berkshire (no, really). I reckon he’s cracked some of the fundamentals of a happy life; and luckily, although he can’t type, I can and I’ve used my opposable thumbs to bring his insight to you.
Fully commit to hellos
When people arrive in my house that can only mean good things. Hellos have brought me attention when that was just what I needed, exciting exotic smells (sometimes other dogs, sometimes cats, sometimes other mysterious things) and the most important and exciting thing of all. Other things. The future has always had exciting things in it before and hellos are portals to the future. Fully commit, grab the duck and wag as hard as you can.
Never focus on goodbyes
I will never understand why humans are obsessed with saying goodbye. We’ve had a great time, we’re still having a great time, and you just stop so you can think about what’s happened and is done. It’s done. It was great. But now, well, whatever is next. I’ve got a routine that works for me, because I don’t like to get involved. Whenever my humans are saying goodbye, I lay down in the living room door. I can see EVERYTHING, but I’m not involved. Call me Corbyn.
Always assume the best
In my very broad experience, things work out quite well. The car tends to go to good places, cupboards mean new snacks and every time I go on a walk it’s just better than how I remember it. Even when something feels a little bit off, listen carefully enough and you can almost always hear someone rustling a bag of something amazing.
Make friends with strangers
One of my humans is much more keen on strangers than the other, but I’m all for them and I have a much better time. I’ve never met a stranger I’ve not found fascinating. Strangers have GREAT smells, GREAT game play and every stranger you meet increases the chances of meeting someone you know when you’re out on a walk.
Eat well, eat often
I’m a big fan of meal prep, so that’s what I do to make sure I get the right kind of stuff in me and keep trim and stay healthy. Pre-portioned, pre-cooked, all it needs is defrosting. It makes life a doddle. And occasionally defrosting means it’s a bit warm in the winter. That’s BRILLIANT.
Treat yourself
Staying healthy means staying happy. So when the opportunity for a treat comes up, go for it. You’ll never regret it. And it’s even better when the treats are hidden: it’s like a game, with multiple prizes – all for me.
Be fearful of the dishwasher
One thing to watch out for is the dishwasher. My humans are convinced it’s fine, but I’m really not sure – I can’t get a fix on it. When it’s open, it makes noises. When it’s closed, it makes noises. Sometimes it smells like the best food. Sometimes it smells a bit like the vets. Not to be trusted, and time’s far better spent away from it.
Have a servant
I genuinely don’t know how people manage without one. When you’ve got a servant, everything unimportant is dealt with for you, so you can get on with living your life how it’s supposed to be lived. Food is pre-defrosted. Water bowl full. Busy schedule sorted, so you’re never late for the groomers and get out and about when you need to. They can even check the weather for you, so you can get out and enjoy the rays in the summer.
Take alone time when you need it
People are great, but so am I. And I need time to enjoy that. My humans spend a lot of time in a room talking to themselves, which gives me plenty of time to nap and spend time alone. Everyone gets what they need. What I love best about alone time is that afterwards, you get to say hello again.
Get fatter in the winter
This one is a bit controversial I think, but I believe that getting a bit fatter in winter is just the way of things. I’ve done it every year, I think. Food tastes a little better, walks get a little shorter because humans don’t like getting wet. I’m fine. You’d think they’d invest in a waterproof coat.
Sit with someone when they’re sad — don’t try to fix it
This is really important. You humans get sad sometimes. It’s complicated, I guess. I can’t understand why it’s happening, but if it’s important to my humans, it’s important to me – and I’ll be there. Just being there, nearby, offering one another a paw and sharing heat. It makes a difference. Lifts a load off them – because they’ve got this, and it’s going to be fine.
Find joy in the ‘same old’
Almost every time I’ve been on the same walk, I’ve found something new – and when I haven’t, well it’s still been great to get out. I have my meals at 8.30am and pm sharp, and always out of the same bowl. It’s the perfect time for it. My humans like to try new types of coffee sometimes when we go out, but they always go back to the original. They know really. I like what I like, and it only keeps getting better every time.
He’s currently asleep on the sofa with his duck, while the solar eclipse happens. He’ll be delighted when he wakes up.
